For truly enjoyable, even inspiring Oral Sex
Forget about the best oral sex techniques you read in Cosmo or Men’s Health…
It’s not so much what or how you give and receive oral, but most importantly where you’re coming from when you’re giving it…
And, this is not another on of those “Sex Tip articles with 10 instant success techniques”….
Instead, we’re going to explore where you’re coming from when you’re going down, and how that may look…
What doesn’t work:
This lover is not actually giving you head they’re taking from you…they’re making you feel good so they can too. they want to give you such a great orgasm (whether you really enjoy it or not) that their view of themselves as a hot lover is reaffirmed. Afterwards you can feel taken from rather than given to.
The Juice Extractor:
These lovers are all about the agenda- the oral sex is for one reason and one reason only- it’s the warm up for the ‘real’ sex act of penetration. So their actions are always done with a focus of getting somewhere else that’s better and as a result they drain all the juice out of the ‘right now’ moment for both you and themselves.
The Mr or Ms Technique:
Some lovers are more sensitive but still focussed on the right techniques to get the job done rather than for the pure enjoyment of the act itself. The thing about the being totally technique based is that you can feel your lovers ‘detachment’, there is no real intimacy exchanged. No matter how good the technique is something is missing.
Mr or Ms Clueless:
This is the lover that has absolutely no idea what to do, perhaps from a lack of experience, some negative experiences or simply a fear of inadequacy. As a result they’re disconnected from their bodies and running fear based stores in their minds about what will go wrong, rather than being present with their lover.
This lover doesn’t have much idea how to go about oral love but they pretend they do and bull doze their way through, resulting in a less than satisfactory experience for both. Or they pretend they want to be there when they really don’t, with the same results.
The Do Gooder:
This is the needy or insecure lover who gives oral sex in order to get approval, love and attention from you, without which their sense of self is absent. Again, they are not really present in the act with you, they’re in their heads waiting for the love and approval to show up from you.
Your ‘Oh My God’ of pleasure is another score in the tally book for this lover who is always keeping tabs on who has given and who has received what. It may sound loving to want to keep the balance between giving and receiving equal but it ends up as a barter system with a “If you give me this then I’ll give you that” system which is anything but productive of genuine pleasure.
The Master Controller:
“I’m going to have and orgasm no matter what, I just have to try hard enough to make it happen”. This lover is desperate for pleasure and is going for it no matter what. And their mind oriented and control focussed approach will be doing two things: creating a tiring experience for the lover doing their best to support them and limiting their own capacity for pleasure. Because really big pleasure does not come from a place of mind control- nice orgasms can but the eye rolling, head back, screaming, shuddering full body and beyond orgasm comes only from surrender of the mind to the body and even the heart.
And, what good loving oral sex can look and feel like…
Any “master lover’s” oral technique starts way before they get to the coalface of their partner’s genitals. Their mindset is one of being really into pleasure, seeing it as play, joy, delight and a mutual exchange of energies.
Where giving and receiving blend into moments of pure enjoyment.
Where giving becomes receiving and receiving is an act of giving. Their focus is on letting go into the moment, surrendering their minds to their hearts and bodies, delighting in their senses.
They are not focussing on controlling their lover but offering to, teasing and savouring their lusciousness. Knowing they are making love to the whole person, not just a set of genitals.
With this approach the likely outcomes are:
The Master Oral Lover will enjoy themselves hugely and feel like they have received as much as given.
Their lover will feel seen, felt, ‘gotten’ as never before.
Technique becomes less important.
The two main techniques are:
1. Connecting with their own body first, breathing deeply, feeling their own heart and arousal, letting the love and arousal course gently through them so it will ‘resonate’ in their lover.
- For woman receiving, it is important to start as far from the centre of her genitals as possible, slowly making your way to her clitoris, or her sex centre. And for man receiving, including or connecting with his lingam or cock early, but spreading your touch away or out to include other areas to broaden his focus of pleasure and encourage his awareness of pleasure sensations through out the rest of his body.
No matter what happens later, the master oral Lover is present right now in this moment as the main event rather than the entree.
It is important for both, particularly the receiver, to focus on breathing.
While the giver is creating variety, teasing and taking time combining moving in really close with intensity then moving away again.
A master oral lover will instinctively want to include their lovers belly, thighs, breasts and butts in their touch.
As well as the pubic bone, perineum, and her outer and inner vaginal lips.
Balls and perineum for men and perhaps the anus for both (remembering hygiene if your touching your woman’s vagina afterwards).
An attentive oral lover will also intuitively feel the value of long, continued strokes when it’s feeling really good for their lover.
They make occasional eye contact, letting their lover know that they’re really with them.
They encourage their lover to breathe deeply into the pleasure, breathing short and fast for intensity and alternating with deep and slow for spreading the pleasure through their body.
Doing their own occasional pelvic floor contractions to stimulate their own sexual energy and imagine it flowing through them.
An attentive oral lover will know the value of including their hands on surrounding areas as mentioned above as well as the vaginal opening, her gpsot and the shaft of the lingam/cock.
An attentive oral lover will surrender into the moment and into their heart, which will hold and support their lover into receiving while letting go and surrendering deeper into their own heart connected pleasure.
Do you somehow feel like you’re missing out on a little sexual something? Like there should be more to it than this? Is your sex life boring? Maybe your orgasms and/or erections aren’t as enjoyable or reliable as they used to?
Especially if you’re with a woman who is writhing in multi orgasmic waves of pleasure as you hold back to watch her with joy yet more than a little envy?
Does it seem like the results with new toys, extra porn and even a little BDSM are disappointing despite all the hype?
Well, don’t despair all is not lost, there is more than you are currently experiencing. You too can glimpse the infinite world of pleasure and even ecstasy that are like glimpsing into the 100 billion galaxies reported by NASA to exist in the universe.
And the first step is to claim more of your own pleasure. Not just in those final few seconds but the whole way through. You are so good at giving and being there for your lover but it is no longer your job to simply wait until they’ve had their share. Why not join in in more of your own?
Men who have learned to experience deep pleasure really know that not only does it feel amazing but is heart opening as well as body and soul nurturing for both himself AND his lover.
Ejaculation for the man has long been viewed as the natural completion of sex, his biological need to release sperm in order to procreate and the pleasure that came with it was automatic. So in this way man’s sexual pleasure has been covert, unlike a woman whose sexual pleasure is largely separate to her ability to procreate and she’s had to claim it for herself, he hasn’t yet had to, until now. So much more is possible for you!
In today’s society sex (at least in the west) has become freer, less procreation and more pleasure based (leaving aside the intimacy and connection factor in sex for now). With this focus women’s pleasure has rightly become more important and more achievable. Yet somehow man’s pleasure (and his potency) has become less, sadly with men reporting feeling selfish, even shameful if focussing on his own pleasure, so he emotionally disconnect from his partner and disappear in order to be able to feel pleasure rather than shame. Because of this he often derives more satisfaction in helping his lover come than in feeling his own pleasure. His few moments of ‘coming’, his greatest point of feeling pleasure feels frustratingly limited to him allowing boredom to set in. In reality he is capable of multiple orgasms and a choice in coming or not…
One of the challenges in being a man is believing you have to be the good provider and are therefore responsible for your partner’s pleasure is that in doing so you are coming from your conditioning rather than from what is possible. Your lover is actually responsible for creating their own pleasure. Yes, you can help by being there but it doesn’t mean you have to give up yourself in the process.
And your conditioning may even tell you that for you to be a good lover you need to be totally there for your partner as the more pleasure they have the better lover you’ll be. The challenge with this is that you are putting your rewards in your lover’s hands and setting yourself up for failure. Rely on her pleasure too often and she’ll feel manipulated, like she has to perform to make you feel good about yourself- if she either doesn’t want to disappoint you or she is pissed of about being in this position- she’ll bring out the time honoured fake orgasm.
When a man gives himself permission to really feel his own pleasure it allows him to feel more connected to himself and significantly reduces the pressure to perform that he often feels during love making, reducing his fear of failure and transforming his intimate connection into something truly magical.
Despite his conditioning it is not selfish for a man to let go of striving for the end goal and take the time to slow down and feel more along the way in lovemaking, in fact it is vital. For when a man is more familiar with feeling his pleasure it means he is more present and more in his body, inviting more potency, allowing pleasure to arise rather than having to force it.
Any man who chooses to be present in his body will open up to the full potential of pleasure during the whole love making session, rather than just his usual few seconds at the end. It’s the beginning of his ability to become multiply orgasmic if he desires. With practice this allows a man to be more present with his lover as well as his pleasure, no matter how intense. His lover will eat this up!
When a man understands that women actually enjoy feeling a man feeling his pleasure as it means she can feel more of him open and connected to her (similar to him enjoying feeling her pleasure) he can do so more easily without disappearing.
Taking responsibility for his own pleasure takes away the burden of having to ‘provide’ his partner with theirs whilst he is missing out. This takes away the subtle (and not so subtle) manipulations that can occur in trying to make his pleasure happen through the other person, allowing more intimacy and authenticity = even more pleasure.
Feeling himself and being at ease in his own pleasure allows him to enjoy that place in himself where he just loves to give from, with the giving coming direct from his heart- It’s truly yummy for the receiver!
When he’s connected with himself he will automatically be more aware of the subtleties of his experience and where his partner is at. It makes him less reliant on ‘technique’ and more available to intuitive understanding which is much juicier.
Both lovers benefit from the resonance in the matching energy vibrations of pleasure, where the pleasure in his body literally invites the pleasure in theirs to awaken, creating more pleasure for both.
And lastly, both open to the possibility of a more intimate, loving and deeper connection that happens through being embodied and available in your feelings, senses, emotions and pleasure that needing to perform for the other takes away. It offers glimpses into the mystery beyond getting it right and fearing failure.
So what do you do if you’re not totally focussing on your lover, trying to hold off or really going for your few seconds of pleasure?
- Choose to believe you are worthy as a person even without having any external goals to achieve.
- Know your pleasure is as vital to lovemaking as your lovers, the whole way through not just at the end.
- Make your goal getting present and connected with yourself and open to pleasure.
- Practice being present in your own body by having your attention focused inside of you until you can be aware of yours first, then include your lovers. Self pleasuring, especially with your other hand on your heart, is great for helping you learn this.
- Touch your own lingam (penis, cock) at times to connect with yourself and your own feelings. You don’t have to wait for your lover to do so. Mix up the touching with your body and theirs until you really get this. With practice it will become effortless.
- BREATHE deeper and slower. Mouth breathe (especially on exhalation).
- Slow down, be more in the moment, feel yourself, sexually and even emotionally.
Here you have it men, the more you let go of performing and feel your pleasure the more present and connected you will be to yourself. The more your lover will feel you. The more relaxed (yet excited), nurtured and satisfied both of you will feel.
And by the way, even though we do it for different reasons women who feel driven to perform can benefit from following the above steps as well…
If your sex life is boring and you want to find out more about how to change it call 1800 TANTRA or click here
Tantric sex for men
In my journey of self exploration and discovery, I have had many realisations, and one of them is tantric sex for men is mostly unexplored and poorly understood.
Actually, the more I discover about Tantric sex, the more I realise I don’t know, as I also believe that learning Tantra is finding that place of limitless and connection that exists in all of us.
I have also reached an understanding that with heart and sexuality connection where there exists potential for significant increases in pleasure and heart felt satisfaction with your partner.
What this actually looks and feels like for a man, is in his ability to be able to fully tap into and connect with his own awesome power in all aspects of his life.
From the Boardroom to the Bedroom
This potential exists not only in the bedroom but from the boardroom to the clubroom and every aspect in between.
For a man connecting with his heart is also him connecting with his warrior self, as they reside in the same place in a man, in his heart.
Because, when a man confronts his fears and gives himself permission to fully connect his heart and sexuality also includes accessing and owning his warrior self. Warrior intensity comes from the power in a man’s heart, and the healthy masculine warrior is pure heart.
Our couples Retreat is the perfect forum for any man to learn these skills with his partner.
In recent times, the term “warrior” has had a bad rap, as so much of man’s unhealthy shadow is seen as coming from this aspect and most men have fear about this and hold this part of themselves in denial. As men, denying our warrior makes our unhealthy shadow aspect even deeper and much harder to manage.
If your wondering what this unhealthy masculine looks like, then examples are all around us. Watch any news media and nearly all the story’s are about money, sex or power. These aspects are all part of the healthy masculine as well, but the healthy masculine is heart connected which totally changes any outcome. Money, sex and power without heart is behind majority of conflicts, economic difficulties and environmental challenges. It takes heart connected masculine energy to change these problems, and that is the healthy warrior.
A man in his heart connected with his warrior is a man that will stand up and protect his heart, himself, family, community and his place in this world.
It is a challenge for any man to connect with and honor this part of himself, as so much of our cultural political correctness supports the shaming of this essential aspect of healthy and sacred masculinity. It takes real courage for a man to stand up for what he believes is right, as quite often this requires him challenging societal norms. Healthy masculine will also challenge and call out wounded feminine behaviours but in a way that is healing for woman.
Connecting with his warrior self is a journey deeply into himself and must include experiencing himself with other men in healthy masculine space.
A man connecting with his warrior is accessing his depth of inner masculine strength that all men have, yet most carry shame or confusion about connecting with this essential part of masculinity. Warrior is the healthy part of masculinity that grounds and holds safety for himself and those around him, especially when a man decides to open his heart and connect with his sexuality and with his partner.
Men have been shamed out of this place and have confusion as to what healthy masculine sexuality looks and feels like.
It is this healthy connection with his inner strength or warrior that will hold him grounded and safe in opening his heart in intimate sexual connection in his relationships.
Relationship Sex is the Best Sex
I also believe that for most men, this intensely pleasurable sexual potential is best achieved and maintained in committed and long term relationships, where all these aspects can flourish and develop.
This special and healthy gift of sacred masculinity requires nurturing, expression and connection.
Man’s fuel of desire for sexual connection comes from his open loving heart, and this is best achieved for most men in healthy relationships.
Healthy sexual desire is heart connected and heart energized for any man, and if in doubt ask a woman what she most desires in her man and it is usually to feel his loving open heart, to feel his power in loving presence.
Yet, for a man to tap into this sexual potential is much more than simply being physically capable, for it requires emotional awareness, connection and courage to really be able to connect to his true sexual heart capability.
This connection is internal and doesn’t require any mystical or esoteric skills from outside.
For any man, simply being emotionally aware and understanding and fully grasping and accessing his own vulnerable heart sexual connection is where it all begins.
Strength of connection to his sexual power will require a man to be fully connected and grounded in his body and heart. This is not about being overtly sexual but simply recognizing and owning his heart intensity and sexual power. In this place, it is important for any man to claim and own his masculinity in how it is for him, and most often this may look different to how a woman would desire it to be. If in doubt, simply consider the differences between the romance industry for women and the porn industry for men. Both have their appeal, but don’t really appeal to the other. This is where men quite often become derailed in their journey into their masculinity, as they believe they have to play “the game” to get what they want from the opposite sex. This is why it is important that any man’s journey into his masculinity requires plenty of healthy masculine connection.
When heart and sexuality are accessed and activated and connected, a man begins to feel his true power. It is in this place that man can truly connect with his inner warrior and feel his own strength and power surging through his body. Making love from this place is like nothing else, for a man can be fully in his power and feel it surging through his body, or simply be quiet and in stillness.
Mastering the skills of separating ejaculation and orgasm requires a man to feel his power, as men require access to their feeling of inner strength to manage and hold ejaculation energy successfully with out needing to shut it down. Ejaculation energy in a man is pure heart and is the energy force that creates life and requires clarity and focus to manage this energy into full bodied pleasure.
Ejaculation energy is pure heart energy with the power to create life.
Tantric lovemaking is about creating more of everything, including ramping up your ejaculation heart intensity and multi orgasmic energy and this also applies to women as well. In tantric lovemaking, this combined energy is truly breathtaking.
This masculine ejaculation heart energy creates heat for intense full body multiple orgasms, which further deepens open heart and inner connection and vulnerability with the power of sexual connection holding all this together.
It takes a man who is fully in his power to hold himself in this place and meet his partner in lovemaking.
The stronger heart connection that any man can create for himself in his relationship, the more loving pleasure he will experience during sex.
And, so will his partner, for a women desires to feel this part of her man, and if in doubt, ask her…..
In this place of accessing his masculine warrior strength during lovemaking will also impact on his partner in a deeply loving and subtle way. A woman will feel met, held and safe enabling her to open into her sacred surrender.
A women’s Gspot is an energy point that is highly sensitive and receptive to this masculine energy and both can easily experience deeply loving, satisfying heart connected lovemaking with very little movement.
This is tantric lovemaking in its simplest form.
Why do Men Want Sex ?
And why is sex important …. ?
Men and sex – as a man, have you ever wondered why sex is so important and why it can be such a minefield of confusion? And, if you’re a woman have you ever wondered why you are so often objectified by men?
It is also important to recognize that most men feel confusion over the intensity and power they feel in their sexual energy and how to be with this. This can also increase feelings of vulnerability and fear for a man, in how to be with this and what to actually do with the potent sexual intensity coursing through their bodies. Yet men have very few opportunities and places to learn about this in a healthy and constructive way.
Why are Boys Treated Differently ?
From the moment they are born, boys are treated differently. (as a father of 2 daughters and a son, I know this one) If you don’t believe this, then take note of how you feel when you see a baby, but aren’t aware of what gender it is. Then recognise how your feelings alter when you discover its gender.
This is not wrong and is normal and healthy, but it’s the choices made with what to do with these feelings of difference is what can create problems. All to often, simply because they are boys, they are left wanting and craving affection as some adults “believe” it will toughen him up or they will grow up “unmanly”.
From birth, boys are treated differently from girls and unfortunately this difference equates to less intimacy, hugs and affection for boys than what they really need as they grow up. Boys need just as much loving touch, loving hugs, loving contact as girls. Most boys don’t get adequate loving attention, and this is where problems start.
Boys and Intimacy
When a boy is deprived of intimacy, he will feel neglected or rejected and will seek connection or solace outside of themselves through attention seeking behaviour, substance abuse, aggressive behavior or other shadow behaviors. Feeling this hurt or pain has become his normal, so instead of feeling nurtured and loved he may often develop emotional numbing behavior patterns to simply stop the pain.
Often, a man’s hurt is from unresolved issues with his mother and if left unresolved will often manifest in feelings of anger towards women in general, especially when he doesn’t get what he wants, such as sex. If a boy’s father is also emotionally or physically absent, he will have little understanding of what it means to be a man and will often be even more vulnerable to other shadow masculine behaviour.
Being a boy, and feeling inside of himself simply means he is in his feeling body and connecting with and feeling his emotional self. But, if these feelings contain too much unresolved hurt or rejection and he feels isolated with out support, then he most likely will begin to close down emotionally.
This possibly is one of the main reasons that as men they objectify women as they seek to detach from the painful feelings of rejection in their place of love. It is easier to feel outside of themselves and be objective than to expose their vulnerable and already wounded self. This can become his way of life where it is safer to detach than feel or express his pain. Men also suffer deeply from not having healthy masculine role models in their lives.
The importance of Sexual Connection for a man
Sexual connection is still a man’s preferred method of expression of connection with his emotional self and his partner. It takes a lot of repressed emotional baggage such as hurt and frustration for a man to close his heart and sexual connection.
When a man is feeling sexually connected and fulfilled, his heart is open, soft, vulnerable yet powerful and readily accessible to his partner and those around him. He feels himself in a way that nurtures his soul and has his life force energy pumping through his body.
When sex is not available, unfulfilling or has become a “relationship transaction” then his world is different, similar to how it was for him as a child. Most likely, he will become needy in his pursuit of sex and create a range of shadow behaviors, like shutting down emotionally in his relationship, watching porn, loosing respect for women and becoming emotionally or even physically abusive.
This is the cycle of sexual shadow that men often find themselves caught up in, and for too many men, it is an attractive option to simply shut down emotionally and opt out of the sexual drama game.
Cultivation of Sexual Energy
Yet when a man allows himself to fully feel his sexual heart energy connection, that powerful life force which most men feel intensely at some stage throughout their lives, they are often heavily influenced by the intensity they feel in this. Men who connect in this place are softer, more grounded with a stronger sense of masculine self, more emotionally available and expressive and generally, very happy.
Unfortunately, few men learn how to cultivate and grow this natural pleasurable life force energy. Most men spend much of their time and energy shutting this energy down or keeping the lid on their life force simply because they don’t know how to be healthy in their sexuality.
It takes just as much energy to keep the lid on this life force as to what is being contained and is probably why men who choose this way feel tired and with little zest for life. Men (and women) have very few healthy role models or examples of what this may look like in a healthy man (or woman).
Even those men who have created a healthy sexual relationship for and with themselves can still remain unaware of how to consciously develop, grow and maintain their sexual energy, especially as they get older.
Men do carry deep shame about themselves as sexual beings, yet it is most often this part of them they put forward in who they would like to be. Some men create unhealthy ego (or shadow) about their sexual prowess and their conquests over others, particularly over women, as men often fantasize about “conquering” a woman sexually.
The porn industry promotes this angle, and women are portrayed as thankful. For young adolescents this is seen as a measure of prowess by their peers, and sadly, something to strive for as a rite of passage into manhood. Some adult men also support this and there are business’s and clubs who actually teach men how to prey on women.
Unfortunately, all this does is to encourage adolescents in the opposite direction of what healthy masculine sexuality looks like. The end result is what we see far too often, a rite of passage for young men that is confusing, disconnected from themselves and the birth of a potential misogynistic mind set.
What Does all This Mean if You’re a Woman ?
If you’re a woman, imagine instead of feeling objectified by men over your sexuality, you could instead see a wounded little boy who is frightened and desperate for loving connection with you? It takes a courageous and mature woman to do this, to call out and hold space for the little boy to feel safe and drop his masks.
Most importantly, his objectification of you as a woman is all about him and his issues. His hurt and his response is his inadequacy in owning his feelings and communicating with you from his place of self respect. Most men will feel shame in this place but don’t have healthy supporting men to create change. They shut down.
It takes maturity for both men and women to see any man acting out his little boy yet still create a safe space for him to step into and claim his inner power through his vulnerability.
It is up to men to take responsibilities for their actions and create change, either on their own or with other men. When a man is acting out his shadow sexual behaviour on women, and this can be in many different ways, such as sexist comments, leering looks, petty acts to physical violence or sexual abuse, it is his problem or wound. It takes a healthy masculine community for these issues to be held and dealt with in a healthy way.
A woman can and does heal this wounding, but most importantly, it takes a healthy masculine community to create another healthy masculine man.
Simple awareness by both men and women is often all it takes to make a difference.
It takes both men and women acknowledging that wounds exist on both sides, and it is time for the games to stop.
True Sexual Potential
By being unaware or unconscious of their true potential, men often allow their sexual life force to wane and eventually die off as they reach middle age when the opposite is what is possible. Reaching middle age can be a time of sexual freedom for a man, as sex now more than ever becomes a choice and not driven by hormones, youth and other primal urges.
Sexual pleasure and satisfaction for men actually gets better with age…..
Men’s shadow behavior that emerges from a place in him of being unaware of his buried emotional hurts will project outwards from him as all those things that will push a woman away. These are simple and unconscious responses to unresolved hurts that nearly all men carry to some extent.
When a man has the courage to share his emotional self, that part of him that he is frightened of showing, will quite often remove relationship blocks and create a deeper level of intimacy and connection. Resolving these hurts or inner child wounds is essential on this pathway to empowerment and self discovery of his sexual power and life force.
The rewards are a deeper heart connected relationship with himself and his partner and the ability to experience pleasure like never before.
What Does a Sexually Empowered Man Look Like ?
Imagine what would it be like if pornography demonstrated the ability of a fully empowered sexual male who actually embodied the empowered sexual masculine from the inside? My guess is that few would accept or understand what true masculine sexual power can look and feel like, as masculine sexual power is not the traditional power “over” another, but actually radiates out from within his masculine essence….. The more connection a man has with himself in his sexual essence, the more his sexual power increases and his pleasure intensifies into full body pleasure.
And, most importantly, the less he actually has to do anything about it. It happens naturally, and his partner feels safe and held even more intensely.
The more pleasure a man can allow himself to feel in this place when he allows himself to be selfish first and feel himself, the more his partner will feel his heart opening. Men quite often focus on their partner and their sexual pleasure to the detriment of their own pleasure.
When a man in this place opens his heart and his pleasure to himself, the more he is available for his woman to feel him. Ask a woman what she desires to feel from her man, and most often she will respond by saying “I want to feel his heart opening to me…”
Healthy Sexual Power
In this space, the ultimate sexual power is feeling your own power and not needing to do anything with it. This allows your partner to not only feel safe but most importantly to feel her surrender fully. The shadow of this healthy masculine sexual power is when it is used to dominate, control, abuse or manipulate.
This can be confusing for both men and women, as this is how power is often depicted in Hollywood productions and especially in porn as what women want, which can have a certain truth about it, but just not in the way it’s portrayed.
A healthy woman desires equality with empowerment in sex and not have you do it all for her.
So, what does this healthy sexual masculine essence look and feel like?
If you’re a man and you enjoy connecting in sex, next time take note of how your energy moves in your body, what it actually feels like to be hot and sexual and where those feelings are. Try this watching porn, or with your partner and notice where you attention is, and if it is on the image (either on the screen or your partner), then you’re probably not feeling in your body.
If your focusing all your attention on your partner, you may be still having fun but missing out on what could be happening for you. It is important for a man to be selfish at this point, to focus on what he is feeling in himself. Trust that the more of yourself you feel, the more your partner will feel of you, and this is what she wants first.
Connect With Your Own Sexual Power and Learn To separate Ejaculation and Orgasm
If you enjoy the visual and enjoy touching, take note of how you feel and where in your body your energy or intense feeling is. If you recognise that your sexual feeling is located in one spot, simply stop, close your eyes and feel into this spot using some deep breath’s.
Imagine how it could be for you if your whole body was feeling as intense and pleasurable as that one spot and if you could maintain this for hours, and this is before ejaculation. Simply focus on that place and breathing deeply will help spread that feeling through out your body.
For a man, ejaculation and orgasm are two separate functions that just happen to occur at the same time.
Separating these two is not about feeling less or stopping something that means a lot to you, but recognizing that you are capable of so much more pleasure. Ejaculation is a different experience to orgasm. Cuming quickly or being very trigger sensitive is frustrating yet easily to turn into a gift. Also, not feeling enough heat sensation to cum but lasting a long time is again different to orgasm, but still pleasurable.
Choosing delaying ejaculation techniques will rapidly increase orgasmic pleasure with all the corresponding benefits, including higher self esteem, sexual satisfaction, satisfaction in life and more life force energy available for life in general. If you have issues in achieving or maintaining an erection then this can also be reversed relatively simply, the same as not being able to cum.
Finding Your True Sexual Self
This is your beginning in feeling your healthy sexual masculine essence, feeling and owning your own sexual energy. Being in your body simply means that regardless of how much “heat” you feel, your pleasure will expand, deepen into limitless full bodied orgasmic bliss. Your heat is in feeling your ejaculation energy, and by holding back on ejaculation (for a little while, at least) which will dramatically increase your pleasure experience.
This is the beginning of learning and understanding separating ejaculation and orgasm and also learning the holy grail of lovemaking for any man in becoming multi orgasmic.
For any man, this potential is what is in front of him, regardless of age but particularly as he gets older and chooses to deal with his unresolved emotional issues.
If your feeling challenge around any of these frustrating sexual issues, it may help to understand they are usually the results of long term ignored and unresolved inner child wounding, and they are not permanent.
It takes courage, commitment, and trust in choosing to deal with these child hood patterns, as well as a therapist who actually knows how to deal with sexuality, masculinity and femininity together.
This journey into pleasure is definitely worth the effort
Graeme Oztantra ©2015 www.oztantra.com