From anger to passion…
Jonathon and Michelle are an attractive couple in their late 50’s who had been together about 9 months. Their relationship was in a challenging place as they were caught in a whirlwind of frequent, pointless arguments in between some great sex. Alternating between uncontrollable anger, desire and fear they still believed their connection had something worthwhile to offer them.
Desperate for help Jonathon was Googling late one night and came across Oztantra. He became very excited when he noticed the site was about learning deep relationship skills and sex that was more than just the mechanics; and that it was for couples exactly like them. He just had to wake the sleeping Michelle to tell her all about it! As soon as they could they arranged time with Annette & Graeme, immediately feeling that their challenges were understood and a clear pathway forward was being laid out for them.
Jonathon says ‘I was amazed that there could actually be good reasons for our unreasonable behaviour, it was such a relief not to feel crazy anymore. And that our very different personalities could still be a match when we learned to enjoy them rather than needing to control each other to avoid the fear and insecurity hiding underneath. I’m a big, strong upfront guy and it was a surprise to learn I was actually being controlled by anxiety. But it made sense when I looked at my former relationships and how disastrous they were. I learned that I was giving my power away to get love and approval and that the way forward was connecting more with myself and my power from within. Sounds woo woo but feels good. For the first time I am allowing myself to be soft (yet strong) around a woman’.
Michelle says ‘I knew I lacked confidence around men but I was desperate to be in a relationship as it was the only time I felt safe. When I found a man I tried hard to hold onto him and usually ended up strangling both him and the relationship. Because Jonathon was a strong guy I felt extra safe with him but was very challenged that he wouldn’t put up with my desire to control him, he saw through most of my ploys which was where our fights came from. I realized the time had come to address my own insecurities, never feeling good enough, being overly critical about myself just my like Dad had always been, and scared to be fully independent. I had always been scared of my fear but now see it as a trigger to reconnect with myself. The bottomless hole that’s been inside me for forever is slowly getting filled up, with myself, and with love!’
To maintain client confidentiality Phillip and Sonia’s story is a composite of Oztantra client histories.