A fresh start!
Meet someone like Brian & Meg…
We’re a Sydney couple in our late 40’s, been together 20yrs and finding a whole new relationship with each other. 3 yrs ago we were at breaking point. Meg had an affair in the early years of our marriage and we couldn’t get past it. The underlying hurt kept Brian locked away in his study at night, not watching porn but working hard to forget about sex altogether as this would have put his wounded heart to the test. Meg, worn out with trying to compensate for the guilt she felt was beginning to feel angry that things between them were still at an impasse no matter what she did.
Brian felt he could talk to Graeme as he is a man’s man. Meg felt the support of having both a man and a woman to talk to, as in earlier therapy she had felt judged by their male therapist.
Brian discovered that Meg’s affair was actually a gift. “My pain was not only about the affair but had started in my relationship with my mother and her shaming anger towards my absent father and men in general. I hadn’t realized I’d internalized her negative judgements, covering up my insecurities about being a man by becoming a “nice guy”, without any balls. This was one of the reasons why Meg’s affair happened in the first place- she was looking for the real man I wasn’t! I have since let go of my shame about being a man and can really stand up to Meg now, both in the bedroom and out. She loves it!”
Meg found a way to forgive herself and move forward. “I had always found my sexuality to be challenge. It was my way to get approval from men and had led me astray in my teens. This was why I married Brian- I thought he would keep me safe. But it didn’t work. I have realized I needed to find my approval from the inside rather than from men. And that great sex is about intimacy and emotion rather than just the physical. I feel cleansed and grateful at the healing that has taken place for us and look forward to our future together”.
To maintain client confidentiality Brian and Megs story is a composite of Oztantra client stories.