These Intimate tips will make an instant difference to your sexual experience so read on…try one…try a few…over time try them all!
1. Breathe more-
The number one tip for better lovemaking. We breathe to keep ourselves alive. Not only does the amount we breathe determine the quantity of life we have but the way we breathe also determines the quality of our lives, including sex. This not only enhances intimacy, but vastly improves the amount of pleasure and rejuvenation you can experience. One of the main reasons people give for not making love is feeling too tired at the end of a hard day. Breathing more, especially at the beginning, will transform your tired body into a more alive, energized one. If you are like most people you are probably not that aware of your breathing until things become hot and heavy just before orgasm when it becomes short and fast. This is way too late as the more you breathe the more you feel- not only in yourself, but also in your partner. Especially if you breathe together for a moment or two here and there. There are many varied and fancy ways to breathe but the best way is to keep it simple so you’ll DO it! For a start notice how deeply you are breathing now- just into your chest, your belly, or even- dare we say it- right down into your genitals? Practice breathing more deeply, in thru your nose or mouth, and out through your mouth- let the breath just fall out of you.
2. Be here now-
Often when we go into lovemaking we can be focussed on our thoughts that keep us removed from our experience Thoughts on what we want to happen, what happened when it was great that other time, or in your favourite fantasy, on what is not happening, whose job is what. Or fear of not getting anywhere, fear of disappointment, even dislike of being there at all…whilst all this is happening we miss what is actually happening right now…and the more that we’re missing it, the poorer the experience we are creating. So give your mind a job to keep it present- to notice what you are feeling and experiencing right here and now, the sights, sounds, smells and feelings- feel it fully. Your partner will notice and appreciate you being there!
3. Be You!
Another thing that we commonly do in the bedroom is when the sex starts we assume a role, we stop being who we are and try to act out the fantasy of how we think sex should look- from the many visual images and stories that we’ve seen and heard. This is great if you are actively acting out that fantasy, and your lover is joining you. But if not, just be who you are, as that is who your lover has chosen to make love with.
4. Make regular eye contact-
Yes, you’ve heard it before but it is so powerful it is worth bringing up again, as it is one of the simplest and deepest ways to share intimacy- to literally see and be seen! Trite but true, the eyes are the windows of the soul. This is also the quickest way to achieve No.2 and 3. We don’t mean a full on staring contest, just a soft gaze (focus on the L eye if it helps, as this is the receptive eye). If this is too full on to sustain just try a moment here and there and build up as your comfort level increases. If it becomes uncomfortable breathe, relax, see if you can stay a moment longer before you leave, you might be surprised how this opens the connection you have been missing.
5. Add in some relaxation-
This will allow your body to expand and leave room for more love and pleasure, literally. Our sexual pleasure, which exists as an energy, needs room to move in. Especially when we are reaching for orgasm, we tighten and strain our bodies, searching for that elusive moment of release (especially last thing at night!). By doing this we actually limit the energy, and whilst we are busy grasping we are keeping our hearts closed and ourselves separate from our lover. Adding in some relaxation through deep, slow breathing opens us up and takes the performance pressure off. Ironically in doing so we receive more of what we desire, rather than less.
6. Learn the value of pausing-
There is much to experience through non doing. After a diet of sexual images where it is usually all action this can seem a novel concept. We are talking about non doing on the outside and doing on the inside. Let go of the external physical movement and move actively within by continuing to breathe with awareness as you pause for a time. Use your mind to see how much it can notice in this place- what you are feeling, what you can feel in your lover, the sights, smells, sounds etc. The stopping actually allows the energy to gain momentum as it ebbs and flows in a more natural rhythm, rather than in a more mind generated push straight to the finish line. This is where you and your lover can connect, feel and experience each other more fully just by being there.
7. Learn the art of active receiving-
Not only receiving from your lover but also from the energy in your sexual life force itself. Practicing receiving is the most precious gift you can give to both yourself and your lover as it opens not only the heart through the gratitude it brings, and the spirit through the acceptance it takes, but also the doorway to greater pleasure through the expansion it offers. How do you do this? It’s a mindset firstly, opening your mind to letting go of control and allowing whatever is to be, just as it is. And again breathing deeply and consciously breathing in what you are being given, whether it is touch, love or energy. Try Breathing in receiving- Breathing out letting go- so you create more space to receive even more into.
8. Focus on one area-
Often we avoid sex because it is just too much effort, especially at the end of the day. So why not take a chance and focus on one or two areas of lovemaking alone- rather than trying to do everything every time, which can seem like an effort. For example just focus on kissing and hugging, massaging the male genitals, just oral sex. Whatever you do, take your time to savour it, do it well. The way to do most sex well is to do it more slowly, become a connoisseur. It will be worth it.
9. Experience your emotions differently.
Often if we feel feelings other than arousal or pleasure, feelings such as fear, sadness, irritation, shame, numbness etc we think these feelings are wrong and try to avoid them or shut them down, usually by shallowing our breath. Wrong! ALL feelings exist as energy in the body- good or bad. So if we shut down on them to avoid feeling them we also shut down on the sexual pleasure as well! Instead if you just accept them, breathe, feel them fully they can move out of the body, leaving more room for love and pleasure to arise afterward- bigger than ever.
10. Look deeper.
Take time to notice anywhere you might be holding back, pushing your lover, hiding away, avoiding, tensing up, stopping breathing, feeling emotion, focussing on your lover at the expense of yourself, thinking a lot etc. We have much conditioning that stops us fully opening in sex and taking the time to nice and ask yourself what might be going on here?, not trying to figure it out in your mind too much, but just asking the question and allowing what comes. The more consciously we see ourselves the more creatively we can respond.
We trust that bringing any of these tips into your lovemaking will make you hungry for more- when you’re ready, you know where we are!
If you would also like our free “Re-Ignite Your Relationship Spark Program” click here